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PRIVATE ENTRY
03:26 May 15 2010
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• • • • PRIVATE JOURNAL ENTRY • • • •
***If you are starting in the process....go to April 2010..
21:41 May 04 2010
Times Read: 633
I sometimes have flashes of memory. At least I think they are my flashes. Sometimes it is hard to tell what I remember from what I have heard others tell me over the years.
What I am referring to is when I was three. I sort of remember having a catheter bag in hand and standing on the couch. My Mom tells of not being able to keep me from jumping around on the couch with my catheter bag in hand.
I often wonder if that jumping, my age, and the severity of the surgery contributed to the scaring that I have. Most people would look at me and never see it (yes I am referring to me being nude when they look..lol) It is at the bottom of my stomach right above the bikini line. It is about an inch or so wide and about 3-4 inches long. It is thick and hard and has no feeling in it. It pulls my skin around it. BUT, my stomach covers it….yes one good thing the fat roll does. More on the roll at a later date.
Anyway, I can also remember the many times that my Mom would take me to the Dr. I would get soooo sick on the way there. Motion sickness to the max with me. So not only was I going to a Dr. for an illness I got sick on the way there and back. As I got older Mom finally discovered motion sickness pills and/or Benadryl. She would give me some if it was a long trip just so I could go to sleep to avoid being sick. So guess what…….I swallowed the pills, the sickness and the helpless feeling that went with it. I developed a habit that when I stopped the motion sickness (thank heavens) I would automatically go to sleep if the car was moving and I wasn’t driving. I am only slightly better at this now. Altho a certain person sort of likes that I sleep while she speeds the trip away.
So many of our traits, habits, actions, and even feelings can be attributed to our childhood and what happened to us there. Is that an excuse? Not once we realize it. But it is a reason…..and a place to start… to see where it went awry and make the changes needed to get back on track.
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COMMENTS
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KCRC
01:20 May 05 2010
You are certainly on the right track. (But I guess I really don't have to tell you that!).
Some of us end up spending a lifetime undoing what happened when we were kids. Me, personally, I'm just happy I survived the events that revealed those long burried feelings.
*MORE HUGS*